Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
