i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
