Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
