Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
