And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left