You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
