i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
That's an oxymoron.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it