took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo