Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket