So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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