put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
