You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
