Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I licked your asshole in confidence.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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