That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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