someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
