Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
i think i just lost a toe
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
