I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
