Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
whose parrot is this?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
