Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize