I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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