The maid of honor just puked.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
