i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
