I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You brought string cheese to the strip club
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
