i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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