woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize