I bet he comes in French.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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