My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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