I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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