Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
