god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
