Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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