That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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