the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
