so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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