just tell him i said nine months
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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