I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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