I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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