mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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