I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
