he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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