This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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