someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
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