ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
