come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
