You made me cry and you don't even care
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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