I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
