Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
