Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
