Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It's rum buckets o'clock
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
