I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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