i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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