there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
