I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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