I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
