Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
