I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Send help, water and tortillas.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
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