MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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