does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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