I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
