C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
