It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
