Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
