His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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