she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he puts the penis in happiness.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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