You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
