I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
