Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
